Saturday, February 28, 2009

100 beliefs.

1.I think everyone should have someone to make them French toast.
2.I think aunts should get rights to see their nephews on a regular bases.
3.I think showers should have never ending hot water.
4.I think crack heads that have kids should be fixed.
5.I think there should be a limit of kinds for each person. having 12 kids, and on welfare is insane.
6.I think people that have nothing nice to say, should keep their mouth shut. Unless they are best friends.
7.I believe hands are meant to be held.
8.I believe in telling everyone I love them.
9.I believe in intimacy.
10.I believe if you don’t vote at least once in 5 years, you should lose your citizenship.
11.I believe if you cant get your butt out there to vote for your country, you shouldn't be able to vote for AI.
12.I believe in randomness.
13.I believe in silences, they are not awkward.
14.I believe in asking people how they are doing, to see if they will be open with you and tell you more than ‘fine’
15.I believe that money is not everything, but it makes almost everything easier.
16.I believe in having shoes for every outfit.
17.I believe in dark sunglasses.
18.I believe acoustic music makes everything better.
19.I believe that sometimes you have to let everything out and just cry.
20.I believe God challenges everyone in their own way, but he knows you can survive it.
21.I believe in chapstick.
22.I believe every girl should have a boy on her side and in her corner.
23.I believe in love.
24.I believe in treating people the way you want to be treated.
25.I believe in positivity.
26.I believe in being healthy and happy, for yourself.
27.I believe in stars and hearts.
28.I believe in fairness.
29.I believe ice cream makes everything better.
30.I believe age is just a number.
31.I believe that not everyone has Good in them.
32.I believe Taylor Swift writes songs about my life.
33.I believe in cereal.
34.I believe in best friends.
35.I believe in sherly temples for being sophisticated.
36.I believe in compliments.
37.I believe in glitter.
38.I believe in art projects.
39.I believe museums make the world go round.
40.I believe in being committed to someone.
41.I believe in monogamy.
42.I believe in equal rights.
43.I believe in mascara.
44.I believe shoes make a girl feel better.
45.I believe in hugs.
46.I believe cuddles have the power to make the world stop.
47.I believe in flirting.
48.I believe attention is best in large forms.
49.I believe in communication.
50.I believe in being blunt.
51.I believe music is enough to heal anything.
52.I believe in jeans and t-shirts.
53.I believe in fishing.
54.I believe in camping.
55.I believe in bug spray.
56.I believe in snowball fights and snowmen.
57.I believe in stories that start with ‘one day you and I...’
58.I believe in James Dan and Audrey Hepburn.
59.I believe in lazy days.
60.I believe in education.
61.I believe in boyfriends.
62.I believe in aliens.
63.I believe in independency.
64.I believe in piggy banks.
65.I believe in candles
66.I believe in free candy at the bank
67.I believe in laughter
68.I believe in the innocence of children
69.I believe in sobriety.
70.I believe in honesty.
71.I believe in poppy seed muffins.
72.I believe in saying hi to strangers
73.I believe in helping old ladies at the grocery store.
74.I believe DVR has helped my life for the better.
75.I believe in making people smile
76.I believe in AT LEAST one good deed a day
77.I believe in ghosts.
78.I believe in playing hide and seek, and I spy at random times.
79.I believe in Minnesotan accents.
80.I believe in hats on bad hair days
81.I believe in sleeping in
82.I believe in staying up all night to watch sunrises.
83.I believe in the dollar store being the greatest place to shop.
84.I believe apple juice.
85.I believe in jam, but only if my granny made it.
86.I believe my Grandpa (both) was taken away from us way too early.
87.I believe in baggy sweatshirts.
88.I believe in animal rights
89.I believe in adoption
90.I believe in nudity!
91.I believe in wearing cute panties to feel sexy.
92.I believe in entertaining myself.
93.I believe I can make myself happy.
94.I believe in trusting other people
95.I believe in decorating.
96.I believe in bright colors.
97.I believe in brushing ones teeth
98.I believe cats and dogs can make anyone feel better.
99.I believe in breakfast in bed.
100.I believe in kisses.

Friday, February 27, 2009

stay at home Granny.

My Grandma is in town for the weekend! YIPPIEE!!!!

I love it when she comes.

I was downstairs being social and this is something she told me.

“Your Grandfather was going into Duluth and I told him to pick up dinner on the way home. He told me ‘why? You’re staying home’ “

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

killer Giraffes.

I should have known that it was coming. The mood swings, the magnetism toward chocolate, tendency toward wanting to be alone, people not doing ANYTHING right. When I look back all of the signs were there; but yet it still came as a surprise. I got my period today. It was a complete surprise for me, even though I should have known. I thought the being more horny than usual was just because I wasn’t masturbating as much as usual. Humpf. I was wrong, and it sucks. So now I am stuck with cramps and mood swings for about another week.

The Bestie spent the night last night. We were lying in bed. I had to warn her.
Me: Bestie, watch out. You know how the window is right there (my bed is in front of the window)? The Giraffes like to stick their head through it at night, so just watch out for that.
Bestie: OMG WHAT!?!? (And she jumps away from the window)

She was scared of the giraffes, we live in Minnesota.

Up north this was a conversation we had at my aunt’s house
We were in a bed that was in front of a window.

Me: hey Bestie be careful because the bears will jump through the window and attack us, and since you are right in front of it, they will get you first.
Bestie: OMG!! (She jumps almost off the bed, as far from the window as she can get) I don’t want to sleep here then! We should move the bed!
M: naw it will be OK. Just be careful.
B: OMG are you serious?
M: {giggle giggle}
B: OMG!!! They will not!!
M :{ giggle giggle} I can’t believe you believed me!

In the morning she asked my aunt if bears would come through the window.

Later on we were at my aunt’s house and we had to be careful. The KILLER hummingbirds were getting too close to her and she had to run away from them. “What they could have killed me with their beaks”.

Back to the giraffe story.

Bestie: I thought they were going to come off of the blanket
Me: uh…what?
Bestie: I thought they would somehow come off the blanket, I thought that’s what you meant.
M: {laughing} this is so going to be a blog.
B: shut up. No its not.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

getting off

**TMI ahead, Baby sister, this is a post I would advise you not to read and definitely do not share with the parents**

So, I am a virgin. Well a virgin it terms of not having sex with a man (or female, dirty birdies). But, I do know how to take care of myself. That said, I have a hard time using my hand, in fact I cannot get to the magic land when I use only my hand; so when I started masturbating (such a dirty word) I would use household objects (we won’t talk about what). But as time went on, aka I turned 18; I decided to go to a sex shop.
I ended up forcing my friends to go with me (there were at my house, I was going with or without them, I think they were just as adventurous as me, they were just scared to admit it). All four of us piled up in my car, and headed for the special shop.
We got there 10 minutes or so before they closed. We were all giggly and were very timid about looking at all of the merchandise. I found a GREAT vibrator to tickle my fancy. So, I paid for my purchase and out the door we went.
When we got back to my house, we took it out of the package and placed the batteries in it. We passed it around; the friends all agreed that this would be the last time they wanted to see it. I then tried to kick them out, not an easy task if you know my friends.
I then went to my bedroom and had a fantastic time. Nemesis (the BF named it) and I had many adventures. Until he broke, and I needed a replacement.
One of my online friends told me of a website, he said I should order one from there, and so I did. I ordered him right before Christmas and told my family that I had ordered one of their Christmas gifts from online, so when the package comes to please just put it in my bedroom, they followed my orders.

Now nothing really happened, no one asked me what it was. I think they pretty much figured it out, and hello it is not something anyone wants to hear their daughter talk about.
Well last night, I was putting something down next to my desk, and I noticed something behind it. It was one of those big envelopes for papers that you are not supposed to fold (like a manila envelope only it was white), I picked it up and saw that it was from ‘Lovers Lane’ (the site I ordered from). It said it was to Jessica ______(insert last name) and that it was to only be opened by Jessica, no one else.
The envelope was open.

Let me repeat that, someone in my family (usually my mom or dad gets the mail) had opened this envelope that said Lovers Lane on the outside.
Would you like to know what was in the envelope, and what someone in my family saw?
I catalog of sex toys and lingerie.
Addressed to me.
And then they hid it in my room.
They opened my mail, and then hide it from me in my room.

So now, someone in my family knows about what I did, and I don’t care about that. HELLO 19 and a virgin. They should be proud of me. Sex toys are much better than STDs.
But I couldn’t get off last night, couldn’t even take Mr. Pleasures out of the drawer, would you like to know why?

Images of my dad wanking off to the images in *my* catalog flooded my mind.

Friday, February 13, 2009

bad relationships

I have issues with my dad, which is not a secret to anyone.

Well, a couple weeks ago he decided that he wanted a relationship with me. And I was all for it, I have always wanted a father. I wanted to be able to have someone to turn to for those important decisions. The tension in the house because of the nonexistent relationship is enough to drive the rest of the family crazy.
Because of this I just stick around in my bedroom or go out. I try to make it easier on everyone, since I did not think anything could change. I keep quiet around my father while he belittles me and I make sure if he asks me to do something I do it. I try to keep the peace.

Well back to a month or so ago we had a ‘family meeting’ (my parents force us all in the same room and tell us how horrible we are doing and tell us everything that we are doing wrong and tell my brother and i if we don’t want to help out with the dishes and stuff we can find an apartment-and I totally would NOW if I could afford to support myself). During this family meeting my father started crying and was talking about how he wanted to change the way things were between him and I and he wanted to make peace and him and I can do things together to bond. He was crying.
So I opened myself up and became vulnerable to him once again (I had closed off all feelings towards him to protect myself from the hurt that he so often caused). He seemed to be making an effort to be nice to me (not call me names or yell as soon as I enter a room), but other than that there was no real change.
I would ask him to go places with me, nothing exciting because due to lack of funds, I cannot go on many exciting adventures.

‘hey dad want to go to the school with me?’
‘dad want to run to target with me?’
‘I am going to the bank want to come?

All questions resulted in a no. so I talked to my mom, she told me to back off and just wait for him to ask me to go somewhere or start a conversation. So I backed off. I stayed away as to avoid a confrontation of any type, and left well enough alone.

Fast forward to last week.
I think he had a bad day. So the name calling started up again. I just ignored it. He fell back into old patterns. Putting me down whenever he could, making sure I know he does not want me around. He tells my mom to not buy the things I like (I am a vegetarian so I eat differently than my family). When I enter a room to talk to him he ignores me, doesn’t even glance at me, he simply stares at the TV or something until I leave, when I talk he pretends he doesn’t hear me. It is like he is trying his hardest to push me away, out of his life.

I made myself vulnerable to him. I opened up and was welcoming him into my life. I had planned on embracing a relationship with my father.

It comes down to the fact that I am rather sensitive to the way my father treats me. And I had just turned off all feelings toward him, but when he cried I opened myself up. I have to protect myself. I cannot allow one man to bring me down (and he is, he really is). So therefore I have to decide if I want to continue to be open and allow him to treat me that way, and hope one day he changes. Or to simply turn off all feeling when it comes to him again and just accept the fact that I do not have a loving father.

Saturday, February 7, 2009


You know how some nights you just want to cuddle? You do not want to be alone, or on your half of the bed. You want to wrap your arms around your lover, and fall asleep in their embrace. You want to feel them breathing in and out as you fall asleep, their chin on your head. You just want to be smooshed together, as if you were one.

Well last night was one of those nights, and my cuddle pillow just was not working. The boyfriend would have worked as a perfect fix to this problem. But since he is in Michigan and I am in Minnesota, and he doesn’t want me driving all that way for a day…

And my cuddle buddy (aka the bestie) was sleeping in her own bed. My other option was my sister, and she has been cranky lately so I did not want to bother her. The option I came up with?


Let me tell you Charlie’s story. You know that store build-a-bear? Yea, I got him from there when I was I think a sophomore in high school. it was a thing my friends and I got into. He has TONS of clothes, his own closet, his own tent and sleeping bag. He has 2 careers. Sunglasses, tons of shoes, tons of hats, numerous outfits, boxers; pretty much everything a child’s doll would have.

Anyway, so I changed Charlie into some boxers (special for valentines day!!) and pajama pants (yes he has pajamas also) and cuddled away. Once I had him in my arms I feel asleep pretty fast.

When I woke up, I changed him into an outfit, put his glasses back on (hey I wear glasses so why cant he? And when he doesn’t have his glasses on? that means he is wearing contacts, just like me J) and before I left to the library for the day I wrapped him in his blanket, just in case he missed my cuddle.

My sister and I did some shopping, and while we were out she asked me if I missed my nephew, because her and my mom saw Charlie, and laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

I don’t see what they thought was so funny, I was just a little lonely last night..

(and if you are wondering, Charlie is a Koala.)

Friday, February 6, 2009


I have my own toothpaste tube. My family shares one, and I have my own. And I HIDE it. Not because I am selfish and don’t like sharing (I am actually really easy going and done mind sharing at all. If you need something and I have it, you can take it. No worries), I have my own tube because I am a picky toothpaste person.

Let me tell you about it. You know how you squeeze from the middle, NOT HAPPENING WITH MY TUBE! No way, you squeeze from the end. And as the toothpaste goes down, you bend it over, making it so it is easier to squeeze from the end.

The hard crusty stuff around the cap, and covering the hole making it impossible to get any toothpaste out? That is also banned when it comes to my tube. No hard toothpaste, no need to clean the hole in order to squeeze out the magical cleaning agent. Everything is perfect.
With my tube the cap goes right back on when you are done using it, not in the garbage the first time it gets unscrewed.

Well, my family ran out of toothpaste, so I shared my tube with them. everything seemed to be going well, every time I brush my teeth I fix the tube so that it is seems it is being squeezed from the bottom, there was no hard toothpaste, and the cap was getting placed next to the tube until I went to the bathroom and screwed it back on.

It seemed I could live with this sharing the toothpaste thing.

Until a couple days ago.
I couldn’t find the toothpaste

No need to freak out, I am sure it is somewhere. As my brother walked past the bathroom I yelled out in a [sheer panic] very calm voice ‘hey you have you seen the toothpaste?’ his answer was something like ‘I don’t brush my teeth, I drink enough alcohol that my teeth get clean without it’ or he may have said no, whatever you would like to think was his answer.
I then searched like a [crazy lady] really relaxed go with the flow person for this stupid toothpaste. And I found it. In the downstairs bathroom.

With the cap not screwed on.
Toothpaste (not yet hard) around the outside.
And squeezed from the middle.

Seriously, is my family trying to kill me here? I am trying to be nice and share MY toothpaste. Maybe sharing isn’t what caring is all about, maybe being selfish and forcing your family to get their own toothpaste and you hiding your own tube is the way to go. I am sure that will show them I care.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

what i did wrong.

How to tell if the best friend is in a good mood: ask her how she is doing. If the reply is something along the lines of:

Jessica: hi! How are you doing?
Best Friend: fine? Ok whatever.

Than you know something is wrong and you can either:
a. Pry, and try to get it out of them
b. Ignore it and move on to the next subject
c. Tell them you have to go and poop, so they think you are busy and they will not interrupt you while you play Tetris.

What I did wrong? I went with option A when I should have gone with C

I hope you are all having a great day! Sorry for the lack of posts lately, just that nothing interesting is happening. Pretty much just working (HAHA) and going to school.