Saturday, November 27, 2010

guest post

Sometimes I have really BRILLIANT ideas that no one really accepts as brilliant. I have a lot of beliefs, and I feel everyone else has just as many as me (at least that is what I like to think). So, I set out a quest to get some beliefs out of Gord. Apparently this is all that he believes in because he started getting cranky at me for continually pestering him about needing to believe in more. So, for your viewing pleasure here is his list. Aka my VERY FIRST guest post (it still counts even though the guest didn’t really know he was guest posting)!

1. I believe bacon tastes great with breakfast
2. I believe in a cold beer after a hard days work
3. I believe in a glass of wine after a good meal
4. I believe a man should be paid what he is worth; not a penny more, or a penny less
5. I believe in fairness
6. And honesty
7. I believe in people that are honorable
8. I believe respect is something that is earned
9. I believe in working hard
10. I believe in Murphy’s Law
11. I believe sometimes you should just stay in bed because the day is not going to go your way
12. I believe you cannot expect other people to treat you well, if you are not going to treat them well.
13. I believe in euthanasia and abortion
14. I believe romance is not dead in this world, its just that a lot of people have forgotten it

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

must know

Things you may not know about me but should:

1. I see everything in picture form. It doesn’t matter if I have my camera handy or not, I am always thinking ‘omg… that would make an amazing picture’; sometimes that feeling gets so strong I have to stop and take a picture with my phone.
2. I refuse to be mean to someone. I believe there is a difference between being mean and standing up for ones self.
3. I am loud. And I don’t care if people look at me because of it.
4. i always give people the benefit of the doubt. I see things through their eyes as much as I can. It takes something very big for me to decide I don’t like someone, but once I decide that, there is no going back.
5. I am much better at spending money than saving it, I have no self control when I am shopping. That is why I refuse to get a credit card.
6. I watch Ellen everyday.. it takes me about 20 minutes to get through one episode.
7. I buy all of my books because that is cheaper than paying off my library fine.
8. I think about Christmas year round.
9. Heracio is my pet rabbit. My next pet after him will be a dog.
10. I do not like waiting. When something feels right, I want it to happen in that moment. I don’t like waiting until a certain time or date.
11. I am 21 ½. Yes, I did celebrate.
12. I enjoy eating. But I am learning to control that.
13. In high school I was quiet because I knew I was different but didn’t want anyone to dislike me because of it. now that I am older I am more myself than ever before, and I find people like me more.
14. Sometimes I pretend to be mad when really I am hurting.
15. I finished my Christmas shopping well before thanksgiving this year.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Battling the Day

Gord is busy. He runs a company. The time he can spend talking to me is limited. That is how it was when him and I started talking, and that is how it always has been. This will not be changing. These are facts. These are things that I live with and I deal with because I want to be with him.

But sometimes I hate it. I want him to stay in bed and forget about his coffee. I want him to tell me it is all right, and no matter what happens he loves me. I want him to make me feel better. I want to sit on the phone and just know he is there when I am ready to talk. When I am ready to cry.

But he is busy. He has work to do. and so he has to get up in the morning and get his coffee, so he can start on his day.

And I have to battle the day without him.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

ex bestie

This picture makes me sad.

I think it was taken when everyone in the picture was having a lot of fun. Everyone was happy and excited about what was going on. We were all talking and laughing.

This was the last time I saw my best friend.
And let me tell you, I miss her more than I am willing to admit.

At this point in time I don’t even consider her a friend, because of how she has been acting.

That picture is the last memories I may ever have with her.

Monday, November 8, 2010

perfect fit

I opened the blinds in my bedroom for the first time in a very long time today, and would you like to know what I see? A finch; and that is about the time I realize I have never seen one before so how in the world do I know it is really a finch? Because I simply just know it is.

That is sort of how I got a guinea pig. I heard the name somewhere or read it, but I had never seen one. But I knew I would LOVE it if I got one. So, for Christmas one year I got one, and I realized how much I loved it. the guinea pig was perfect for me, and it just felt right.

I make a lot of decisions on what feels right. Its how I decide on most large purchases.

That’s how I picked out my car. I KNEW it was right for me, it just fit me so well. Its also how I make important, life changing decisions. My job at trugreen just FEELS right. It fits me, and its not perfect but it is definitely meant to be.

Sometimes I do things that people don’t understand. My parents didn’t understand why I wanted a guinea pig. No one understood why I loved the car so much and why I was so hell bent on buying that one.

But it all worked out.

It is time for Gord and I to meet. It feels right. I feel that it is supposed to happen now.

I am not a patient person, I will be the first to admit that. so when I decided I was FINALLY ready to meet him and his reaction is ‘well, we will have to look at when we can meet up’ and he has to talk to people and I am supposed to talk to people but probably won’t. we need to plan things out and yadda yadda.

Gosh darn businessmen and their careful planning.

So, I would like this ASAP, tomorrow would be perfect. But he would like it to be around new years, and his birthday (January third). And so we will have to talk to our people and get back to each other. And plan. And plan. And plan.

And can I be honest? I am going through stages or worry

‘omg first kiss! what if I am not good at this stuff?’
‘I am so not having sex yet, what if he gets mad?’
‘eekk!! What if we hate each other?’
‘what if I am nervous so I ramble and he falls asleep with my rambling?’

And then there are the other stages where I KNOW everything will be alright. This is the first step of us expanding our relationship. He will visit here and then i will get a passport so I can visit him, and see the things he loves. And in time, we will decide what is best for us. And I KNOW, I simply KNOW this is what is meant to be. It feels right. And there is no need for me to get mad that we have to wait so long, and I don’t have to worry about being smelly. It will be perfect and better than I have imagined.

Because it is time. And it is right.
And I can hardly wait for everything to happen… I just wish it could happen RIGHT NOW.

Saturday, November 6, 2010


Dear Gord,
I really want to update our site today but you said you wanted to do it. and if I am being honest, I like reading your posts more than I like doing them. I made an omelet for breakfast; well it was more scrambled eggs with green pepper and cheese mixed in. but I tired.

You know when we first started talking, and you said something about not being in a hurry to meet, and we will do it when I am ready, but you also said I had to be fair to you; you couldn’t wait forever. And you said something about waiting five years. And in my head I was like ‘yikes, five years I will be 25 and I will still be really young. Maybe we should forget about this because I don’t know if I will be ready’ but I didn’t. because I am sort of selfish when it comes to you.

I have a confession, I have a lot of energy right now, but I have decided I don’t want to do anything. Other than dance, and write this to you. so, I think that is productive enough. Because when you see me dancing, you will realize how entertaining it is. Trust me.

I am amazed at us. I am amazed at everything we have gone through and how strong we are because of it. I am amazed at your ability to love me JUST the way I am.

When my grandma was here last week she made a comment about how happy I am, and how I just seem to ‘glow’. And I laughed and said it was just because I was happy to see her. But I think her and I both know its because of you. by you being yourself, you teach me things every day. you have helped me grow as a person so much this past 10 months.

I am glad we don’t fight. Because I don’t like fighting, and getting all worked up and getting angry at people. I really hate that.

I don’t know what I would do without you. you brighten up my days. you make me smile and laugh every day (even when you are exhausted). I would not change a thing about you.

Thank you for being in my life and being such a powerful presence.

I love you with all of my heart, and I hope we continue to grow together and experience all of life’s obstacles together.

Your Love,

( I would have mailed this to you.. but I think it may be your turn on the penpal thing)