taboo no more.

When I started this blog, I decided nothing would be off-limits. I would talk about whatever I wanted, however I felt I wanted to talk about it. Gord is a very private person; him and I had a conversation and he said that he will not tell me I cannot write about sex, but he is not comfortable with it himself. He would not stop me from writing about it, and I can do as I wish.

Since he is not comfortable with it, I decided not to write about it. but lately I have been thinking; I write about sex because it seems so taboo for women to masturbate, and even more taboo for them to talk about it.

So I have decided to open up the SEX door again, and share my stories with all of you.

I never got aroused or turned on my fingering or penetration myself with some toy. It was just sort of ‘meh I should do it to prepare myself for sex’ but then somewhere along the lines I found I really enjoy using one small vibe as a dildo, and placing another one on my clit. The orgasms aren’t as intense, but I enjoy the feeling of having something inside me.

Since I seem to kill all of my vibes, it was only a matter of time before the one I was using on my clit buzzed out (teehee). That left me with either fingering myself, or buying a new toy.

HELLLOOOO new toy!!!

….it turned out to be a horrible toy, and I have not used it since the day a bought it (yea yea I rush home to try the new toys out when I get them, so what).

So I just decided my clit was fine and dandy. It gets the job done.

Well, lately I find that I FREAKING LOVE fingering myself with a vibe on my clit.

Oh my gosh. Again, orgasm is not as strong, but I LOVE the feeling.

And isn’t masturbating all about the feeling?

maybe i am wrong

I see myself as a really great person. I feel that I have great morals, I hold myself to a high standard. I am honest, I care about others. I love everyone and do not judge. I see myself as a very nice, very caring person.

But could I be wrong?

Over this past week or two, friends and family have been coming out of the woodwork and telling me how horrible of a person I am. I have been getting told how selfish and rude I am. I have been getting told that I don’t care about anyone but myself and am pushing all of my friends away in order to get what I want.

I like to believe that all of the people that tell me those things are wrong. they do not know me or simply want to believe I am a horrible person to make themselves feel better. I hold myself up and stay strong. I stay true to what I believe and ignore what they say.

But, I have a confession.

I am starting to doubt myself. If all of these people see me as such a horrible person, if they see me as so selfish and such a self centered person, maybe they are right. There is the saying ‘maybe its not everyone else, maybe its you’ that may hold true here.

The people that I have in my corner are becoming fewer and fewer but the other side of the ring is growing stronger and gaining fans all of the time.

I do not see myself as a bad person. I see myself as the type of person I would look up to; but what if I am wrong and am looking up to selfish people that push everyone down in order to get on top?

how to rest

The slow but steady steps to becoming sick:

Day one: nose is sniffly and people ask if you are getting sick, the only way to handle this step: DENY DENY DENY!

Day two: nose is still sniffly and your voice sometimes decides to play hide and seek. The best way to deal with this is to ignore the signs and continue to tell yourself and anyone that asks that you are NOT getting sick.

Day three: go to sleep at 11pm and wake up at 4pm, its not because you are sick. It is because you had to catch up on your sleep. When people say you look pale, just say you are losing your tan.

Day four: wake up feeling like cement. Head feels heavier than the world. Sleep sleep sleep. Voice is now full on a ‘sick voice’. People say you look like crap, and you do not have the strength to do anything. You are not sick, you simply are relaxing on the holiday.