Friday, October 30, 2009


Hi, how are you today?

I have no idea what I am going to write about, but I feel it is in my best interest to write something.

My father decided to start disconnecting the router for the internet before he went to bed, leaving me internetless for up to 12 hours (I know, I don’t know how I survived either). Well, this messed up the internet. And so it has not worked for 3 days now. Why? Because he messed something up with it so now a man has to come out and clean up the damage he has done. He is really upset that he doesn’t have internet. I find it humorous. Take that for trying to be mean.

A friend of mine got me the leaked copy of Midnight Sun, I feel like a total rebel when I read it; but let me tell you, the book is amazing. It is only the first ten chapters though, so I have to be careful not to read it too fast. That said, I am finishing it tonight.

Tomorrow is Halloween. I have no idea what I am doing. My Granny and I were supposed to go to a scary house, but she canceled last night. My mom still wants to go, but I don’t know if I can handle going with my mom. I love my mom and all, but she just… I can’t really describe it.

School, work and socializing. That is about all I am doing right now. I feel the need for an adventure. So I may have to come up with one soon.


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

love is a choice

You do not get to decide of your heart breaks or not. You cannot control someone else. Once you are in love you do not get a choice, once you are in love you do not get to decide that you want out of it. You can’t wake up one day and be like ‘today I will not love him’. It just does not work that way. When someone decides they do not want to be with someone, or that it simply is not working out, they go through heartbreak. There are tears and lots and lots of words and the most horrible pain that someone can experience. It then takes time, of not talking to that person and getting over them to stop feeling that love for someone.

And even then you are still in love with them, but the time apart and the not talking about them or two them allows your heart to sort of go into hibernation and forget about what you felt for that person. If you love someone, if you truly love someone, I do not think you ever stop loving them. The love may change, but it is still love.

I believe you can decide who you want to love, and who you decide to fall for. You have to want it, you have to want the love, and you have to want that person. If you really do not want to fall for someone, you won’t. You never hear about people that are not attractive to each other starting out as friends and then becoming lovers, because they do not find each other interesting in a romantic way, therefore they will not fall for each other. If someone is your friend and you are interested in them romantically, and you allow yourself to fall, you will. It is as simple as that. So when people say ‘you can’t help who you fall for’ I believe they are wrong.

In order to fall in love with someone, you have to want to be in love with them, you have to want them as more than a friend. It is as simple as that.

But once you are in love, once you have allowed yourself to fall, you do not get to decide if you want to stay in love with them or not. Because you are in love, you are now stuck loving them, if you want to or not. When people break up with each other it is so hard because their heart is breaking, and it is hard, but they have decided they no longer want to be with that person. I do not think it has anything to do with not wanting to love that person. I believe that once you love someone you will always love them.

When you break up with someone there is the heartbreak and the pain and the tears and the sleepless nights because it hurts so much because you are trying not to love them. That is what you are doing, and that my friends, is impossible. Once you are in love you do not get a choice. You had a choice whether or not you wanted to get to that point, but once there, that is it.

And I believe once you are in that Love place, you will always be there, it may be a different kind of love, but it will still be there. It takes time to get over someone because it is not you really ‘getting over them’ but really, it is you trying to forget about your love for them. Over time, you forget about how you feel when talking to them, how amazing they make you feel. Your heart hibernates the love for them.

When you see that person again you will remember that love, it may have turned into a different love, but whenever a person runs into an ex it is hard because they still love them.

So in conclusion:
You can help who you fall for, but once you have fallen and are in love, you do not get the choice of falling out of love.

*note: upon reading this I see i repeated myself like crazy, and if I edit and take the time to not repeat myself, it would only be a couple sentences long. But, it is late, and I am tired. so instead of editing it, I am going to bed. Night.

Saturday, October 17, 2009



It seems I am not alone.

One of my top blogs (I do not do favorites) allows you to email the girl in charge, and she may or may not post what you email in. I wrote something and thought ‘meh why not just send it to her’ and so I did.

And apparently, according to the ladies over there, I am a good writer. Which makes me puff my chest up with pride and hold my chin just a little higher. Because, that means, this blog is helping (remember I started this to help me become a better writer).

So, without further ado, here is the link

Please keep in mind I mixed fiction with reality.


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

done being lazy

I am where I am because of me. My choices, what I wanted to do at the time. What I felt was worth sacrificing to do what I did at the time. When I go out with my friends instead of studying, that is my choice. If I do poorly on a test it is because I may have studied, but I did not study enough. I want to be successful in my cupcake business so I have to work hard at it. I have to decide what is worth working hard for.

The same goes for relationships. They are work; I have to decide what ones are worth my time and what ones I want to develop. If I am going to work hard at a relationship the other person has to be as devoted as I am. I have been neglecting the Best Friend. Why? Because for some reason I have not been telling her a lot about what has been going on. That is going to end today.

I have to study A LOT more in order to do well in the class. And I can do well, I need to do well for me, I need to pass the class.

I have to get the website up and running for some reason I have been dragging my feet on that. Why? I have no idea!

I think I am used to failure, from myself and others that ends today. I can do this, and I will. I have to decide I want to be successful and I have done that.

Now I need to change my way of thinking, I need to stop being SO LAZY and actually work.

It is that simple.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

to have a relationship with me

We all know I am different, everyone is different. But I am quirky. I am myself no matter where I am, and a lot of times people do not like that.

But ladies and gents, this is for the boys that want me out there.

I do not want flowers. Please, no flowers when you pick me up. Instead, get me something fun that I can use time and time again. Flowers will die and fall apart in a week or so, you only want me to remember you for a week? Get me a coloring book and crayons. That way every time I color I will think of you. Get me those capsules that grow into dinosaurs, that way we can watch them grow together and then have dino wars. Be original. Save the flowers for your mom on mother’s day.

If you want to surprise me climb into bed while I am sleeping and wrap your arms around me so I wake up with you next to me. Make me French toast, often. Kiss me. Touch me. When the time comes, love me.

Be nice to me and treat me with respect after time, after we have gotten to know each other, that doesn’t mean you should stop respecting me as much. That doesn’t mean to get angry and blow up at me. That means to stay calm and talk things over with me, like you used to.

Take me on adventures. I know I will take you on many; I want to be the passenger sometimes as well.

Never let me win. I can win on my own, thank you.

Introduce me to your friends (when the time comes) and since I will be super nervous, let me hold your hand the entire time. Don’t be squeamish around them.

If I want chocolate I will tell you. So please no chocolate, I would much rather have dinosaur capsules.

Please don’t show up late or ditch me. I am not like other girls, I am on time. I hate waiting for people that are late, so please don’t do that.

When I get sad, stay by my side. I may not want to talk, but that is where you should be.

I need my freedom. Do not keep tabs on me. If you text me or call me asking me where I am in a demanding way, I will run and hide. I am independent. I am strong. Please remember I have you in my life because I want you there, not because I need a man to control me and watch me.

Get jealous over me. Show me you care. Show me you don’t want me flirting with other guys, because I will do it, just to watch your reaction (hey I am a girl).

When you want me to yourself pull me away from others and tell me.

Be sweet. Tell me how you are feeling, even if you don’t want to.

Be open with me, communication is everything.

Make sure you want me for me. Not so you can change a few things so I am who you want me to be.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


When all of that drama was going on with my family, I had to find ways to get out of the house. One of those ways I got out was to bug Stacy a lot. One day she was over at a bookstore, guess that showed me?

We were there for a long time, and I really could stay there for hours. At one point, I decided to find Waldo. He was well hidden and I had to ask someone that worked there for help in finding him, they eagerly gave me assistance. I then sat, in the children’s section, on a bench and looked for Waldo, for half an hour. He may have hid from me, but I get the last laugh.

A couple days ago, I was helping these women at work, and I looked up and there was Santa. Red shirt, wire glasses, full gray beard, jolly cheeks. I am not going to lie, I completely freaked out, and I think I must have turned 5. Once they started walking away I turned to my coworker and whispered “I think that man is Santa” she agreed that it looked like him but that was all. I looked back at Santa again to see that Mrs. Clause whisper in his ear and then he turned and winked at me.

I think that is a sign I will be getting where Waldo is like I am asking for.

Monday, October 5, 2009


I was in the back room at work. And there, not even half a foot in front of me stood a large monster on his eight legs. I could tell by the way he was moving he has been injured. I looked around, but no one was there to see what I was witnessing. I walked past it giving it ‘they eye’ and sizing it up to size. I knew I had to be sneaky if I wanted to survive this monster. I turned back, sharply, trying to surprise this creature. I stomped the ground, and I think I may have seen his eyes roll. He was not intimidated by me; even though he should me. I ROAREEDDD as loud as I could, making him fear me. He stood his ground. In shock, I didn’t know what else to do, besides take him head on. I looked around, once more for anyone to help me in the battle that is now unavoidable. I made my great dinosaur noises and stomped forward.

It was then that I stomped on the wounded cricket.

I had to make sure it was dead, didn’t want it suffering any longer (it was wounded).

I recommend pretending to be a dinosaur to anyone that has to kill bugs. Makes it much more enjoyable. Just please, don’t eat them.

Friday, October 2, 2009

I'm Still Alive!

HI!!!! I am still alive, just super busy.

I don’t even have time to read blogs!! Or simply read in general.

It is getting crazy, and I love it.

I am starting my own business… a cupcake selling business. I am starting with selling them to family and friends, and just getting word out about them, I am also working on a website and that way I can ship them around the States. The company name is Settas Famous Cupcakes. They are magical. I make everything from scratch, using recipes I have found and then changed.

My specialty (the reason you should order from me when I get the website up) is baking the cupcakes in an actual cup, that you can keep. That is right, a CUPcake. Tee hee.

I already have orders rolling in and I am working on shipping them to my grandma to make sure I can do is successfully. I have a plan, and I love it.

Once the website is up and running and making an income for myself I will work on opening up a cupcake shop. Because, if you remember correctly, Minnesota has NO cupcake shops. We are a deprived state I tell ya.

Please come and visit again, I have a plan worked out on how I can blog more regularly and keep you guys up to date.