Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Day 2 and 3

Day 2
Something you love about yourself.

I love that I can overcome any challenge that gets handed to me. no matter how big it is, I won’t back down. I guess it can be considered ‘stubborn’ but really, I don’t think it is.

Day 3
What is something you have to forgive yourself for?

I have to forgive myself for making mistakes. When I do something, I put all of me into it. When I play travian, when I get REALLY involved in travian I put everything into it. I put my heart into it. I put my personality out there (that’s why I get so upset and you are all ‘love it’s just a game’ but I put a lot of ME into the game). I have to learn that it’s okay to put myself entirely out there, and if something goes wrong and I do something wrong, its okay. I am still me. Not being in school is a mistake, I KNOW that. But I know me, and I know if I go back right now I will just fuck up again. So I have to find focus and passion. And then I can go back. Because I will go back. When I am ready. I made a mistake with you, and I lied. And I know it’s something I did, and it changed us (I know we don’t talk about it, but I know we both know it). I just know it won’t happen again, and I do things to show you it won’t happen again. Because that is all I can do.

I make a lot of mistakes. I think it’s because I am so passionate, and I don’t think before I act. So something I have to forgive myself for putting myself out there, and making those mistakes. Because it’s okay. And I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.

Monday, June 28, 2010

30 day challenge

Day One
Something you hate about yourself.

This is easy for me, there are so many things that I hate about myself. Tomorrow will be a lot harder.

I hate that I care so much about what other people think of me. It takes a lot of courage for me to be myself. I am really different and awkward. I am super quiet when I am not comfortable. I am always thinking about what other people think about me. wondering if they see me as normal. I hate that I have such a hard time being myself. Standing up for what I believe in, and doing things for me.

I hate that my past has such a big impact on my everyday life. I get scared sometimes, and I would never admit this to anyone, but I get scared that because of my past I will never be able to be a good person. and I know I am a great person, it just comes naturally to me. but I am always worried it is never enough, because I must have done something horrible to go through the things I went through.

I hate my body. I hate that I hate my body.

You told me once that you used to only go for girls that were perfect. And I hate that I will never be perfect, so I may not be enough for you.

I hate that I cannot express my hatred aloud because it is considered a sin in the bible. So I don’t talk about things if I dislike them. I keep everything inside of me, because I do not want to sin.

I hate how easy it is for me to come up with so many bad things about myself, but its hard to come up with things I view as good about myself.

Monday, June 14, 2010

my fault

I am sorry I haven’t been around very much recently, it is all my fault, I know that.

Lucas was here! We got to see him for a few hours. I got a kiss and a hug, I cannot believe he is almost three!

The gym and I are become great friends! I have a hard time though when there are a lot of other people around.. I am jealous and I like not having to share it.

I spent the night at Kristens house on Saturday, twas fun but not enough tequila.

I have become a lazy texter.

I went on some adventures earlier this summer and I have pictures and I am making it my goal this week to get those up here and show you! I think some of them are pretty good!

I will be house sitting in July, I am nervous about it because the lady doesn’t have internet OR cable OR air conditioning!

I am proud to say that I am doing well in the bookclub. I am enjoying meeting new people and going new places.

So far, my summer is really going well. I hope the rest of the year goes this well!