I don’t like being strong all of the time.
I am the one everyone turns to when they need someone to tell them it will be okay. I make jokes and find the one thing that makes someone feel better. I help people find themselves again, I teach them how to be happy and how to have confidence.
I am the one that downplays how serious it is when the doctor says ‘you might have cancer’.
I am always the one that says it is going to be okay, just wait a few days. I make sure to find something good in the moment.
I fix everyone’s problems.
I take the pain away that everyone else is feeling. I make sure everyone is okay and that they can sleep at night.
Sometimes it’s just too much.
I feel that if I need someone to tell me it’s going to be alright, or to stay up and make sure I fall asleep, that I am seen as weak. I make sure that I take care of how I am feeling and evaluate what I need and how I can be happy, before I tell anyone about it.
But sometimes, like tonight, I wish I didn’t have to fix everyone.
I want to just be normal. I want to be the one that gets to scream and freak out when the car is sliding on ice. I don’t want to be the one that calmly gives directions on how to stop it.
I want to be the one that does something SO IRRESPONSIBLE that people think I am the stupidest person on earth. But instead I am the one helping that person get back on solid ground.
Sometimes life is just too much for one person.
I wish I could be strong enough to be the person that needs someone to lean on.
I am the one everyone turns to when they need someone to tell them it will be okay. I make jokes and find the one thing that makes someone feel better. I help people find themselves again, I teach them how to be happy and how to have confidence.
I am the one that downplays how serious it is when the doctor says ‘you might have cancer’.
I am always the one that says it is going to be okay, just wait a few days. I make sure to find something good in the moment.
I fix everyone’s problems.
I take the pain away that everyone else is feeling. I make sure everyone is okay and that they can sleep at night.
Sometimes it’s just too much.
I feel that if I need someone to tell me it’s going to be alright, or to stay up and make sure I fall asleep, that I am seen as weak. I make sure that I take care of how I am feeling and evaluate what I need and how I can be happy, before I tell anyone about it.
But sometimes, like tonight, I wish I didn’t have to fix everyone.
I want to just be normal. I want to be the one that gets to scream and freak out when the car is sliding on ice. I don’t want to be the one that calmly gives directions on how to stop it.
I want to be the one that does something SO IRRESPONSIBLE that people think I am the stupidest person on earth. But instead I am the one helping that person get back on solid ground.
Sometimes life is just too much for one person.
I wish I could be strong enough to be the person that needs someone to lean on.
awwwwwwwwwww.
ReplyDeleteit's ok you can scream and freak out right along side me buddie. (and future ROOMIE!!!!!!!!!!) omg love the sound of that.
and maybe people like leaning on you, and maybe they think you are cool for advice. don't be hating.
OH ps. tEXT ME
everyone needs someone to lean on sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes find myself in this role too and also have your same reaction. For what it is worth I have turned to philosophy to help. I would recomend a book "The Consolations of Philosophy" which is an easy read despite its title.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amazon.com/Consolations-Philosophy-Alain-Botton/dp/0140276610/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280695808&sr=8-3
Keep up the good work I am sure your friends love you for it.
nah she's just ok.......
ReplyDeleteLOl jk
I love her sooooooo much. she's the bestest best friend anyone could ever ask for...except I wish she would stop trying to hang up on me, when i had something to tell her...EHMMM(yes i wrote this after we talked on the phone jess). but ohterwise she's awesome. Oh btw jess i was going to tell you about the things i saw you wrote from 5th grade it was funny and what you wrote to me for my bday once....but i guess you'll have to wait to remember....lol
talk to ya tomorrow?!