Dreams

Gord and I sometimes talk about our childhoods. And he had an amazing childhood; as normal as it gets.

My childhood was a little less than normal. I went through a lot that most people wouldn’t have survived. But I stayed strong. I made sure to be very selective about who I hung out with so that I did not get into drugs or alcohol.

I made sure I stayed pure so that I would not be able to have children at a young age. I knew that if I had a child when I was young, it would have a lot of struggles that were not necessary.

I was VERY selective about boys, to the point that I did not find any that were worthy of my attention.

I got made fun of a lot, and got called stuck up. I had very good morals at a young age, and really did not care what anyone had to say about me.

I look at my relatives and see what I do not want to become. I see how their everyday life is; and as horrible as this may sound, I know that I am better than them. I know that I am capable of much greater things then they are capable of. I know that so far, I have lived my life with more dignity and respect than most people will ever be able to muster up.

Tonight I realized that I did all of this so that my children could have a much better childhood then me. When I have kids I can be the great example that they can look up to.

I think unconsciously my maternal instinct has been there all along. Making sure the kids that I didn’t even think about would have an incredible mom.

And I want those kids, which I actually have started to think about, to have the childhood that they deserve. I want them to have everything that they could ever dream about.