Saturday, March 7, 2009

breaking hearts.

Dear Adam,
I know you are busy and I feel awful for doing this, but I know you do not like confrontation and I can only take so much of your passiveness.
We used to have a great relationship, you respected me tremendously, and I felt as if you would always be there for me. you would do anything to make me happy, you would do anything I asked of you. I have cried over you so much, I have cried over the situation and the lack of communication from you.
You do not tell me anything, I know nothing about what is going on in your life right now. As your girlfriend I deserve to know. When you are busy that is all it will take is a simple message telling me that, telling me when you will be available to talk, but you will not give that to me.
I feel as if you are stinging me along on your ride. You do not want to lose me, but you do not want me there either.
Actions speak louder than words. Your actions are breaking my heart. I love you, I really do. If you asked me I would drive down to see you, all 10 hours just to be with you for a couple minutes. I would do anything you ask of me. but I do not think you would do the same for me.
I feel as if you are not in this relationship as much as I am. I think that I have to give you the freedom that you already have. I have to stop holding on to you. I have to let you go. I have to be strong for both of us and finally say what we both know was coming.
I love you. you are the first guy that I have ever felt safe with. you are the first guy I have ever wanted (and still want) to have inside of me. you are the first guy I have ever felt secure enough to show my body to (even if it was not all of it). being with you was a great thing for me. you are a great person and I will never stop loving you.
Right now, writing this out I am surprised by the tears that keep flowing down and the pain that I feel. But I believe I am doing what is best for you. I have taken myself out of the equation and am solving the problem.
You have been avoiding me, you can say that you are busy but we both know if you wanted you would make time for me. we both know you want freedom and you do not like being tied down. I tied you down. We both know that we care about one another. I am trying to do what is best for you, even if that means I am in so much pain.
I am so sorry. But I think you want me to let you go. I think that you have wanted that for some time now, you just wouldn’t say it.
I will always be here for you. and if you change your mind and decide that you want me, I will take you back in a heartbeat.
I still believe that we really do complete each other. we really do balance each other out.
And you are my best friend.
I just feel you want me to let you go, so now I have.
I would really appreciate a long message from you explaining everything from your point of view, some insight as to how you feel, but I do not think you will give me that.

I am sorry.
I will always love you.

Always yours

1 comment:

  1. Well its tough to be 10hrs apart from your bf/gf for sure. You are right though with todays communication options people can make time for one another.

    Good luck!