2 days

10 Things that have happened in the past day or two:

1. I realized more often than not, I squeal when looking in my jewelry box and finding the perfect thing for my outfit.

2. I went to target (which is dangerous in itself) and forgot my list, but decided WHAT THE HEY I can do this! And left with 2 of the 6 things on my forgotten list, and a few new things not on it.

3. I cut myself with a really sharp knife and found I can’t find my band aids. Only to realize AFTER I drove to work with my bleeding finger, they are in my medicine cabinet.

4. I gave Heratio a pep talk on how to NOT let Albert bite his ears.

5. I got motivated to do the elliptical AND talked myself out of needed a cookie for breakfast.

6. I have avoided doing the dishes. Who needs a sink or counterpace anyway?

7. I have started my list for what I need to pack for my cruise.

8. I have informed Gord of some of the things I am planning to do while I am there in December, and he is at work (note: he doesn’t get a say).

9. I admitted to myself the reason my pants are getting tighter is because I am eating more and exercising less (please look at number 5 again).

10. I got to shop for a baby present!

**BONUS**

11. I found out I am going to be a Godmother!!

The beginning of fall

Hate.

There are so many people that have lost their lives, all because of hate. It happens all over the world, every single day. And it breaks my heart.

Grandmas

I am not used to having 2 days off in a row, or having free time to do whatever I would like. So on Labor Day when I found I had nothing to do, I surprised my grandma with a visit.

I drove the 3 hours up north to find her napping. When I snuck around to the other side of the chair and said hello she was quit surprised; she got a big smile on her face and was really excited to see me.

She made me lunch, and then we hung up some wall décor for her. AND THEN we went to willey’s and got bait so I could fish! You cannot go up north and not fish! So my grandmother and I sat down by the dock and fished for a few hours.

When we went up to the house she did what she could to get me to stay, but I knew I had to go home because it was back to work the next day. my grandpa came in to say hello, and he was extremely glad to see me as well.

When we hugged goodbye they both got teary eyed and did not want me to leave. I told them I would be back and walked out before I started crying too.

It was exactly what I needed. The love of my family. I hadn’t been up there in such a long time, and it was well worth the trip. I hope I get the idea to do it again sometime soon.

pictures?

I Never showed any of my pictures from Vancouver! I did not have a camera charger, and my camera hadnt been charged since my trip to DC..so I did not get any AMAZING shots, but here are some things that happened on the adventure:

I am just like the locals! hanging out at Tim Hortons!

I am thinking i should be a jelly fish photographer...



Here is Gord having fun on one of the TWO suspension bridges we went on (this was the small one)

Here I am..surviving the suspension bridge

I even got to see mountains one day! When the clouds clear it sure was beautiful.

realization

Sometimes things just hit you. they are there in the background and nothing changes, and you just realize HOLY CRAP; this is how things are.

Yesterday I realized how alone I am. I live by myself. I have no close friends, my family seems to not want anything to do with me anymore, and my boyfriend lives in Canada. Kristen, is always doing something with school or busy with family (that’s what happens when you have such a large family).

I have no one to invite over in the middle of the night, or day. I have no one to help do my dishes or bring me over dinner once in a while. I have no one here. I am utterly alone.

I live by myself, I take care of myself. I have no one to lean on. I cant be lazy for a day and say ‘hey I don’t really feel like making dinner’ because if I don’t feel like making dinner, I don’t eat. Its that simple.

Honestly, I don’t like it. I hate not having anyone here. I have even thought about becoming friends with Stacy again JUST to have someone that will be here whenever I need it.

But, I am not that desperate.

I am lonely. I want someone here with me. I want someone to lean on, and to be there to pester me and to annoy me. and to make messes I have to clean.

I miss having someone around. Maybe I didn’t think this through all the way. maybe I should have not moved out on my own. Maybe I cant do it. I don’t know. I think it is sinking in that there is NO ONE to depend on me, but myself. And if I screw up its on me. and I don’t have someone waiting for me at home to help clean up the mess afterwards.

mornings

My phone rings each and every morning, and I reach my hand out, because I know by instinct where it is. I push the talk button and usually make a sound so he knows I am there. and he makes the same sound back. it’s the sound that says ‘I wish you were here’ I know his eyes are closed too. We are picturing the same thing, us together, in the same bed. his arms around me. feeling each others warmth. Feeling our hearts beating together.

He whispers he loves me, and I say it back. imagining tightening my arms around him because I hear him roll onto his back. I squeeze my pillow pretending it is him. wanting him to stay in bed just a little while longer. I hear him say he has to go to work, but know he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. If I am awake enough I am sneaky enough to do something or say something to get another minute of this peace. But some mornings, I am too tired to use my brain. He says he loves me, and I imagine him giving me a squeeze, and kissing my forehead. We exchange I love you’s and be safes, and hang up the phone.

My eyes open. I know he is out of bed, looking back at the now empty bed; he wishes I was in it. I wish I was in it. I give him sad eyes, because although he cant see me, I know he knows what I am doing. Just as I know what he is doing.

I go back to sleep, he goes off to work.

I wake up again an hour or so later, by myself. Wishing I was waking up in his bed.

I miss him. I miss him terribly, every single morning.