time goes by so fast..

Things that Jessica should do before work today:
-essay for western civilization
-discussion’s for 3 classes
-finish the book for book club
-wash sheets

Things Jessica will do before work today:
-play tetris
- stare at the screen thinking about doing school work
-waste time writing a blog
-laugh at anything that moves

I hope you enjoy your day!

3 positive things:
1.Nothing is due until Sunday
2.My friends cannot beat my score in tetris
3.I ate breakfast

story time!

I am in a horrible mood today. So instead of telling you about today, I will tell you some stories from this past week.


The besties and I went to Perkins for lunch the other day (after studying really hard in the library). I went to pay for my meal and I couldn’t find my magic money maker. I know I had it, before we left the library I checked to make sure I had the plastic card in my handy dandy awesome wallet thing. Well I went to pay, and it was not in there. Crap. Now what? I ask my friends if they have seen it, they haven’t. But one of them pipes up and says she saw it at the library. Alright so I am thinking I left it there. Or maybe someone stole it from my pocket, something. So I am thinking about how I don’t want to cancel this card and get a new one because I have the number almost memorized (damn online shopping). And right before the I completely freak out the lady behind the counter hands me back my card and tells me thank you. Yup I had already handed her the card.


When my brother moved out awhile back my parents told him ‘you are not ready to move out. So if you come back you will not have a room’ you see, my sister and I shared a room. So when he moved out my sister took over his room. So, he has been back since about November now, he sleeps on the couch. He has a dresser in the mudroom. Well, it was his choice to move out; he knew what he would have to come back to. Well, he is always complaining about not having his own space and how people are always in ‘his room’ AKA the living room when he wants to sleep. So, my father being the awesome guy he is set up a tent in the dining room (this shows how much we eat at the table) and put a sign on the tent door stating that it is my brothers apartment. My brother being the ungrateful child that he is has not slept in the tent once. He took the blankets and pillows out of the tent and is still sleeping on the couch. I guess he doesn’t want his own space that bad after all…


I had a third story to tell, but now that I am sitting here writing I can’t remember it.

Goober.

I would like to review a new product (ok it is actually really old, but I just had it for the first time).

So you know the Smackers stuff called ‘goober’ were they have the peanut butter AND jelly in one jar? They have it in like stripes, and let me tell you it looks pretty awesome.

Well I picked some of that up the other day when I was out doing some shopping. I have always wanted to try it, but have never gotten then chance.

Now I was putting it on toast and at first when you put it on the knife and spread it around you don’t see really any jelly. It looks just like a peanut butter sandwich. In my always positive mind I may or may not have thought ‘well that is stupid. Why would people but it if it just turns in to peanut butter’?

Fellow blog readers. I tell you I was wrong, oh so wrong.

The stuff is freaking AWESOME!!!

You taste the jelly AND the peanut butter. The product allows you to save time by only having to put ONE thing on your bread. It is a little more expensive than regular peanut butter but if you add the jelly in there I think you actually save money.

I cant wait for my next GOOBER sandwich!

I had my doubts, but I am a believe now.

3 positive things.
1. I am rocking this school thing.
2. I am annoying the best friend.
3. It is not snowing right now.

no drama here

I fell off the bandwagon (actually its really not a bandwagon its just something I want to do for myself, but you get the point) and I got all negative. So I am SORRY, I am trying really hard to be positive but I have to remind myself constantly to do it. And just because I am positive out loud, does not mean the same thing is happening in my head.

So.

An update? Parents seem to be fine now, maybe it was just an argument due to all of the stress? I don’t know, I am not married so I have not idea. And if that is a NORMAL married thing, to throw out the D word, then I don’t want to get married.

School starts tomorrow!! Yikes! I withdrew from all of my classes last semester because I could no handle all of the pressure. And this semester I have decided I WILL do great. I WILL get good grades. And you know why? Because I can. And I know I can. And that is all there is to it.

Quick Lucas story (here is Lucas' story) the first time he crawled? He was crawling to me!!! now doesn’t that make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

Alrighty, well I have things I gots ta do today.

So 3 positive things:
1.i have a relatively stress free day today
2.i just got out of the shower, so that means I don’t smell
3.school starts tomorrow

not daddys little girl.

Last October my father quit his job announced to the family he was going to some special school to become a truck driver, and then travel around the country. It is what he has always wanted to do. He did not talk to my mother (his wife) about any of it. He just simply did.

This left my mother shocked and not knowing what to do. She fell apart. I took care of the house and made sure my sister was taken care of. I helped out in any way that I could, and listened to her as she talked about all of the problems in her life. With my father gone she lost her partner, she lost the person she talks to the most and she did not even have a warning that it was going to happen. He just vanished.

It took a long time for everyone in the family to adjust. And finally we had done it. We knew he would be home in a couple weeks; my parents got a cell phone plan so they could keep in touch, and they were happy. Sort of.

It is not secret that I do not get along with my father. Simply put, when my father has a problem I get blamed for it. Maybe not in so many words, but he will yell at me and point out everything that I had done wrong. He will be little me and make sure I know who is boss. We do not get along. I was extremely happy when he left, there would be no one yelling at me or anything. I could finally walk free from his dictatorship. The shackles have finally been taken off.

Now fast forward to October of last year (2008 for those math whizzes out there) my father came home and announced he quit his job. Yup. No warning, did not tell my mother, did not care it was right before Christmas, did not take my mother’s feeling in to consideration, nothing. Great. That made for a happy household. Pretty much no one said anything about the topic, we just let it be.
He left for a new job in the beginning of December and I may have made it known how grateful I was that he was leaving again, the house would once again go from a place that could be compared to hell, to something that resembles a home. My mother was not too happy about me being ecstatic. She made sure to remind me my father is the one that pays for the roof over my head and the bread in my tummy. She also made sure to tell me all about how she loses her life partner and how I could never understand that. She also cried; a crying mother is the worst thing in the world, I felt horrible. It did not change the way I felt, just made it so I did not show that I was happy about my father playing Houdini again.

Well, my father came home for Christmas, and announced he was not happy with the job he was at so he will not be going back there. My mother was devastated, like she does not have enough to worry about. She now, AGAIN has to worry about how the bills are going to be paid, great.

So we are going to fast forward to about 20 minutes ago... I was in the kitchen eating some mashed potatoes for dinner (I know ya’ll are jealous) and they started having a very loud discussion. About my dad not being happy and maybe leaving the family. As in divorce. Because he is not happy. Why wouldn’t he be happy?

He might not be happy because I always stay away from him when he is home; I want him to have a good time with his family so I stay away. The only time I leave my room is when I am hungry; I guess that does not go over to well with him. He may not be happy because his oldest son is an alcoholic (blog for some other time).

If I was not around I think he would be happier. If he did not have his middle child either battling him or avoiding him, I think he would be happy. My mother said the real reason he decided to be a truck driver is so him and I would not be around each other, and that would mean I didn’t have to move out when I could not afford it. She said he was doing it because he thought it was what is best for me. It is my fault she lost her partner, the reason he abandoned her.

So if my parents get a divorce, would it be my fault?

baby crazy,

Since Lucas is here, I thought I would have some touching stories to tell, about how cute he is and how he just makes my world go ‘round. I thought I would tell you all about how much I wish I could just keep him forever, all to myself. I thought I would tell you how it makes my maternal instincts come out, and I love that. I thought it would make me feel how badly I want a child one day.

Well I was wrong.

Lucas, I love him to death, and I really do miss him when he is gone. But he cries and whines and poops and that is about all, oh and he eats.

Nothing else!

He needs constant attention, because you have to watch to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. If he is not sleeping, he is crying. Unless you do something stupid/ play the same music for the millionth time. Gah!!

Now don’t get me wrong, if he could live with us, I WOULD LOVE THAt; we would adapt and chillax with him. But he is just so much work. humpf. I am really glad I do not have a kid.

They take a lot of time, and let’s be real, I am 19 years old, I am way too selfish to have a child right now. I need my ME time.

To all those moms out there? You are awesome. I bow down to each and every one of you. its hard work.