Saturday, January 2, 2010


Dear dad,
I am sorry I have caused you so much trouble. I am sorry I am not the daughter that you want. I am sorry I am not like Jennifer.

I wish you understood me, and did not see me as some horrible person. More, I wish I was not some horrible person that has been forced into your life.

The day I was born, you were mad, you were out ice fishing and you didn’t want to stop. You wanted mom to wait as long as she could before taking her to the hospital. So it started before I was born.

I am sorry that I cause so much tension in the house. I am sorry you are mother always argue about the way you treat me.

I am sorry I cannot be like my brother and sister. I am sorry I enjoyed reading and doing well in school, and you just did not understand that. I am quiet and thoughtful, you do not understand that either.

You have a lot of anger toward me, and I am sorry for that. I am sorry that you cannot see the amazing person that I am. That you cannot see all good things about me, instead you focus on the things you dislike, and you soak in them, and allow them to take over what you know about me.

I am sorry you do not want to have a relationship or even talk to me.

I am sorry I cannot give you what you want.

I am sorry I make your life so horrible, if I could, I would change that.

I am sorry God decided to make us father and daughter; and that you are not up to the challenge of finding out why.

I wish things were different between you and I. I wish I could call you dad without mentally cringing.

I don’t really know what I can say other than that I am sorry for being such a disappointment to you.


  1. Sugar I'm pretty sure you are misreading him. I hope you are anyway. I know that people have probably told you this (if you have told any parents what you are thinking/feeling) but you will better understand it when you have kids. Thats no excuse for him to treat you poorly at all. Try to talk to him. He doesn';t hate you. He loves you y'all just have shit crossed up right now.

    Hope it gets better.

  2. Jessica, as a dad of daughters only, I can't defend or understand your dad's treatment of you as you've described in your blog. A daughter is a precious gift from God and dads are idiots if they don't recognize that and take advantage of every opportunity to be with them and to nurture them.

    Please accept some fatherly and Christian advice. A father wound this deep will have a dramatic and devastating impact on your life, if you don't address it soon.

    You are not the one who needs to apologize for feeling the way you do. And nothing can be done to replace the time lost wishing for an appropriate father-daughter relationship. But God can heal all relationships. Give it time.

    I encourage you to reread your blog and, where appropriate, replace the words "I am sorry" with "I forgive you."

    Forgiveness will cleanse your soul and bring peace to your life. Failure to forgive is like drinking poison yourself in hopes of harming another person.

    You are right to be hurt by your earthly father's actions. You are right to want a loving relationship with your father.

    Until that is possible, I encourage you to take your pain and your anger to your heavenly father, who loves you always and will never foresake you or abandon you.

    In the meantime, here's a song that was written by a fellow Minnesotan several years ago.


  3. Jessica,

    I want to help you with your relationship with your father, but I really think this may require professional help. I think you should seek out affordable help in your community. Speaking with a trained individual will help you sort things out.

    I can tell you have a heart of gold.

    My life's motto is "Have No Regrets." Fix this if you can as soon as you can. Don't regret a missed opportunity.