Saturday, January 9, 2010

new friends

I really love the group of friends I have collected over the past four months. I never really think I am that interesting, honestly, it surprises me how many people read this blog. When I see my stats I get all excited, and it really is great for my confidence.

I posted what I posted about my dad, and I thought about taking it down. Sometimes things are just too close to the heart. But this blog is a safe haven for me; I should not worry about what others think when I post what I am feeling or thinking. Everything I post has a lot of meaning to me. I think and figure things out, and then I type.

One of my new friends and I were talking. And I said ‘I know my father loves me, and I love him. And that is all that really matters.’ And he told me that really is all that matters; the rest is just life getting in the way. I had never thought about it that way, but it is so true.

My other friend and I were talking about it. He said it made him sad, not my intention at all, but if it made him sad, that means he cares about me, and that means more than I will ever let on. He and I were talking about how all of this horrible stuff went down, and how awful my relationship with my father is, and simply all of what is going on. How I feel about my father and how he treats me so poorly.

But then, the next day, I had to help my dad with a really silly computer issue, and I gladly helped my father and called him silly. Excepting that he was willing to be a father to me, even though that moment was short.

My friend commented on the fact that I was willing to accept that so quickly and change how I saw my father that fast, he was amazed by it. I think he said something about being strong enough to do that. I just said that I had to; I only have one father; so when the good moments come I have to snatch them up. I can’t let them get away because of the way I feel, they are so few and so far in between I have to make sure to take them all.

He said he doesn’t think he would be able to do that and it was my choice to think like that. And it showed me how strong I am. People always tell me I am strong, I get told I am a survivor all of the time, I just don’t feel that. I feel that I am just normal. But talking to him, he always (I don’t know if he means to or not) but he shows me how strong I truly am, in a way that has never been shown to me before.

I am thankful for the new people I have in my life, and am very grateful for the support system all of my friends have created for me. I know I would not be the same if it weren’t for all of them (old and new).

*off topic, that post created my first anonymous blog comment. That thrilled me to death.


  1. I usually don't write my feelings about life, on my blog...perhaps I'm not comfortable talking about it :/