family ties.

Random stories

I just got home from work, I said hi to the doggies and my brother and went upstairs. Around 11pm I decided I was hungry and was going to go to the gas station. I went downstairs and didn’t see my brother. I figured he went out for the night or was in the bathroom jerking off or something. I opened the garage door and walked outside, and noticed something wrong.
My car was not there.
Hmm…now where could that be… I don’t think I misplaced it….
I went upstairs and got the number for my brothers cell phone, he didn’t answer. My sister was nice enough to text him saying to get home, and me being the bitch that I am went and woke my mom up, just in case he did not come home. We went to the living room and waited, and waited, and waited. Finally a decade (or maybe 20 minutes) later my brother walks in the door. And I ask him.
‘so let me get this straight…your boss had an emergency so they call you, someone that has worked there for 10 days so while I was at work you searched my room until you found my extra car key. And then when I got home you waited until you thought I was in bed for the night and took my car. So you could help your manager’ his response? ‘Yup’.


Thanksgiving dinner.
Everything is going fine. And then my brother starts talking about taking something out of my sisters room. I laugh and cannot wait to see what he has to say. my sister goes ‘yea and you took the one I wanted!’. I am sitting there waiting for my grandparents reaction, they just carry on eating. I whisper in my sisters ear ‘did he take the chocolate flavored condom?’. She nods to confirm my suspicions. Don’t you love thanksgiving…