Somedays I feel that I am the most amazing person on the face of this planet, and Gordon is lucky that I allow him so much time with me. he is lucky someone as beautiful and charming and as caring as me, would allow him so much attention and affection.
And then there are days like today; well to be honest it’s been a rough couple of weeks. I look in the mirror and am all ‘meh this could change and omg what’s with my eyes why do I look 80?’ and the fact that the scale has decided to not only stay the same, but lie to me and say I have gained a pound since last week.
So I take a shower and cry. And sulk. And cry some more.
Because I just want to accept myself on the outside for how it looks. I love myself on the inside, and I think I am a much better person than 99% of the population, but on the outside I suck.
I could think of a million things I could change about myself on the outside. And I don’t know how to stop thinking like this. Even though I try, every single day, to accept myself for how I look, and now for how I want to look.
I stand up for every single women because, we are beautiful just the way we are, but days like today make it hard to believe that fact is the same for me.
I want to be healthy, and fit, and I want Gord to tell me ‘omg I cant stand to be without you for another minute. GET TO VANCOUVER NOW.’
But none of that is going to happen overnight. Life takes time; it’s the longest thing we ever go through. And I want to just get to my goal weight without my body protesting against me. And I want to go to sleep with Gord every single night.
I just want to accept myself for how I am, and not be so hard on myself.
I get told as long as I live a healthy lifestyle, which I am doing, everything else will fall into place. I just wish it would fall into place overnight.