Monday, November 8, 2010

perfect fit

I opened the blinds in my bedroom for the first time in a very long time today, and would you like to know what I see? A finch; and that is about the time I realize I have never seen one before so how in the world do I know it is really a finch? Because I simply just know it is.

That is sort of how I got a guinea pig. I heard the name somewhere or read it, but I had never seen one. But I knew I would LOVE it if I got one. So, for Christmas one year I got one, and I realized how much I loved it. the guinea pig was perfect for me, and it just felt right.

I make a lot of decisions on what feels right. Its how I decide on most large purchases.

That’s how I picked out my car. I KNEW it was right for me, it just fit me so well. Its also how I make important, life changing decisions. My job at trugreen just FEELS right. It fits me, and its not perfect but it is definitely meant to be.

Sometimes I do things that people don’t understand. My parents didn’t understand why I wanted a guinea pig. No one understood why I loved the car so much and why I was so hell bent on buying that one.

But it all worked out.

It is time for Gord and I to meet. It feels right. I feel that it is supposed to happen now.

I am not a patient person, I will be the first to admit that. so when I decided I was FINALLY ready to meet him and his reaction is ‘well, we will have to look at when we can meet up’ and he has to talk to people and I am supposed to talk to people but probably won’t. we need to plan things out and yadda yadda.

Gosh darn businessmen and their careful planning.

So, I would like this ASAP, tomorrow would be perfect. But he would like it to be around new years, and his birthday (January third). And so we will have to talk to our people and get back to each other. And plan. And plan. And plan.

And can I be honest? I am going through stages or worry

‘omg first kiss! what if I am not good at this stuff?’
‘I am so not having sex yet, what if he gets mad?’
‘eekk!! What if we hate each other?’
‘what if I am nervous so I ramble and he falls asleep with my rambling?’

And then there are the other stages where I KNOW everything will be alright. This is the first step of us expanding our relationship. He will visit here and then i will get a passport so I can visit him, and see the things he loves. And in time, we will decide what is best for us. And I KNOW, I simply KNOW this is what is meant to be. It feels right. And there is no need for me to get mad that we have to wait so long, and I don’t have to worry about being smelly. It will be perfect and better than I have imagined.

Because it is time. And it is right.
And I can hardly wait for everything to happen… I just wish it could happen RIGHT NOW.

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