Wednesday, May 6, 2009

letting go

When Adam and I broke up I did not change my relationship status on facebook or myspace. Because that would finalize it. That would mean he is officially not mine any more (crying already) and I did not want that at all. I know we had broken up and I was single, I made that well known. But he still made my day brighter. I still enjoyed talking to him just as much, and we still talked like a couple.

One of the most amazing things about Adam is that he doesn’t want sex, he wants to make love. He doesn’t want to just get off, he wants the connection of being with someone, and he wants that closeness, that intimacy. For him it is a very big deal. It’s about showing how you feel, showing that person how much you love them.

I am the only girl Adam has ever wanted to any of that with.

When I think about Adam, I can’t think of anything wrong with him, there is nothing I would change about him. He is perfect. He has helped me grow as a person tremendously since we have started talking. He has made me feel more comfortable with my body and much more confident.

Because of him I will stick up for myself more and actually do things for me, and not to please other people.

I had to ask him to let me go, so I could move on.

That was the hardest thing I think I have ever done. Because giving Adam up is like giving up the sky. There is no one in this world that I like more than Adam. The first thing I do in the morning is go online to see if I have anything new from him. I make sure to be online around 2:30 so I can talk to him when he gets home from work. Having five minutes with him is much better than not talking at all.

When I asked him to let me go, I felt as if the world was falling down on me. I can’t talk about it without crying.

I still feel very strongly that he is The One for me, but I can’t sit around and wait for someone that won’t be in an actual relationship with me.

Adam and I are each other’s rocks. And we always will be. I won’t allow him to stop talking to me, he is my best friend and he can’t do that. I need him more than he will ever know. Right now I think he needs space, and I am fine with that. I broke his heart last night and that is the worst thing in the world, I know the pain.

This morning I came online and changed my facebook and myspace status to single.

I have met a new guy. And he is incredible, I can find no flaws in him (to be honest, I haven’t even looked). I enjoy talking to him every time we talk and there is potential with him. Do I feel for him as strongly as I feel for Adam? No, but give it time and I may.

The bestie and this guy, let’s call him Sweetie, had been friends for a very long time. He wanted more than friendship with her, but she decided not to pursue that. She believed there was no way a relationship would work due to the fact he lives in AZ. Him and I started talking and hit it off really well. It wasn’t planned or anything. The Bestie has hurt feelings now and she is very upset about the situation. I told her (and Adam) that if she is unable to handle me talking to him and maybe starting a relationship with him, she needs to tell me and I will stop talking to him. The friendship with her is more important than any guy ever will be.

Since she has been so angry with me and yelling at me every time we try to talk, I have been giving her space. I haven’t been talking to her very much and I haven’t been telling her what is going on with me. Because I honestly can’t handle her yelling and being mad at me.

I have told Sweetie the issues and what is going on. The Bestie has taken this to mean something that it is not, and she is very jealous. I will tell her, she is the person I want to tell, but I can’t handle the fighting and her yelling at me.

I will post later about some of the other stuff that is going on. I promise I have a couple good stories to tell as well.


  1. ok. a. adam and you were very awesome together consideirng you never got to talk on the phone or be together.
    b. that is very sad and hard to hear.
    c. i cna't believe you finally changed your status
    d. chris is a really great guy, he does seem pretty perfect from what we know. and that's why i liked/ and cared about him so much.
    e. those werne't all my issues with him
    f. it really felt like you want to tlak to him more then me and i'm your MERIDETH! lol. doesn't that mean something? i was hurt and crying.
    g. you need to decide what you want and stick with it, because ppl are getting hurt and i don't want those guys to be hurt, nor do i want myself cuz this sitiatuaion is horrible.
    h. i love you still though.

  2. It'll all work out, it always does, good luck!

  3. Ah, love. It can make you happy or drive you crazy. Don't let it do the second thing. Everything will work out in the end, hon. Promise.