I very rarely spend money on myself. I can go out and go shopping, and buy something for my mom because it reminded me of her and something for my sister because she wanted it. But if I buy something for myself I feel bad. I know there are other things I could use the money for. I could pay off student loans or save it, always something better than spending something on myself.
I feel that when I do decide I want a new outfit or a pair of shoes and to actually spend a wee bit of money on it, that I have to justify it.
A few weeks ago I bought the Nikon D3000 camera. It is a decent priced camera; it’s not expensive for a camera, but it’s also not cheap.
After I purchased it my father and mother both yelled and me and could not believe I would spend that much money on a camera. They told me how irresponsible it was for me to get it, when I have student loans, and when I could save it so I can move out faster.
And when Stacy found out, she also gave me slack for it. She let me know that I SHOULD NOT have purchased it because I need to save money so we can move out faster. She let me know there are things that are more important than the camera.
The camera is estimated to be here tomorrow, and I can’t help but feel bad about getting it. I feel as if I shouldn’t have purchased it, and I should have saved the money instead. I feel like buying something that is going to keep me so happy, and so excited about something, is not something that is a priority.
And then I think about how hard I try to stay happy. How back in 2009 I made it my goal to be more happy and more positive, and how happier I am because of it. And when I am happy, I feel I am healthier and extremely confident. Laughing and smiling and being FUN to be around, makes putting such a big effort into being happy worth it.
So I think about how excited I am for this camera, and how much I paid for it. I think about how happy it is going to make me, and how everyone else is much happier around me, when I am happy. I think about how proud of myself I am when someone compliments a picture that I have taken.
I still feel guilty about buying MY camera; but the guilt is worth my happiness.