I am finding men do not listen. They think they do, but really, they don’t. You tell them you are not going to start an argument you simply want them to understand how you feel. And so you say how you feel.
And they get all defensive and it is like you are poking them with a stick.
You try and explain yourself again, explain that you do not want to fight, that you just want them to understand. And you word it differently and you try to have patience, but they simply do not understand it.
No matter how many different ways I word it, he still does not understand. All he does is get all defensive as if I am attacking him because I feel a certain way.
The only reason why I brought up how I feel is because I know how I feel IS crazy and it DOESN’T make sense; and I honestly know that how I feel is wrong and stupid, and I want him and I to both be aware of that. That way when the issue comes up again, we can address it and not fight. We can address the underlining issue that is really bothering me (because let’s face it, we mostly argue because of how I feel) and we will move on much faster.
So my word of advice.
If a women tells you ‘dear, I don’t want to fight. But I feel it is important that I tell you how I feel, that way you understand’ DO NOT get aggressive and feel the need to defend yourself.
More than likely, she knows how freaking crazy she is. Just accept what she has told you and move on.
Instead of trying the ‘dear, I don’t want to fight. But I feel it is important that I tell you how I feel, that way you understand’ route next time tell it like it really is: "I want to bitch and moan about you and how nothing you do will ever be good enough for me... and I want you to sit there are take it like a punk without saying a word."
ReplyDeleteDon't listen to the comment from anonymouse person above me. I think you're totally right. But maybe it's not true for all men. I am usually praised as a good listener :)
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