Saturday, February 27, 2010

I want my brother back.

The only thing I remember about my first day of high school is my brother. I remember him walking me to my locker, telling me everything I need to know, and telling me not to be nervous or scared. He made sure I had everything I needed, and that I could get the locker open. I remember him walking me to my first hour class to make sure I didn’t get lost. Him and I went through all of my classes again, and he told me to find him if anyone messes with me. At the end of the day, I found him waiting by my locker for me. He wanted to make sure I found the bus and that I didn’t miss it.
A couple weeks into the school year, I decided I didn’t like my locker, and so he shared his locker with me. he didn’t mind that I cleaned it for him, and was always organizing everything. He wanted to make sure that I was taken care of.

I remember my brother always instilling in my sister and I that we must respect everyone. No matter how someone treats you, or talks to you, you must respect them. He taught me to stand up for myself and my sister. He showed me that if anyone does something to my sister that I don’t like, I can tell them to stop.

My brother always made sure I could go to him. If someone at school was being mean to me, or a guy was harassing me, I would go to him. I wouldn’t worry about anything; I knew my brother would make the situation better.

When I was a junior, my brother a senior, he found how amazing alcohol is.

And he is no longer my brother.

I hate the monster that has taken over.
The way he treats his family. The way he threatens my sister, mom, and I. I know that is not my brother.

My brother would never come home high when he knows my grandma is visiting.

My brother would never steal money from my parents in order to get drunk.

I hate when he tells us that he needs beer, more than anything. And he doesn’t care what happens to us, as long as he can drink.

I hate that he will admit he is an alcoholic and that he needs help, but refuse to get any.

I hate how much it hurts the family.

I hate looking at my mom and seeing how sad and how much pain she is in.

I hate that my sister never got to know the brother that I got to know.

I want my brother to see what he is doing, and to care enough to change it.

I want my brother back.

6 comments:

  1. yup thats gotta suck. He'll have to do it for himself though.

    Sucks girl.

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  2. I was just running through blogs when I came across this. It really got to me because I was your brother until last year, and you sound like my little sister! I got high, drank heavily, & that's all that mattered, as long as I got my fix I didn't need anything/nobody else. I went through that faze, and hopefully that is all it is to him. Just let him know that it hurts you, and instill that in his brain, and comfort him. He's in a lot more pain then you think, sweetie. Keep your head up! And know that he's in a different mind set, but not a different person, he may mask his feelings, but they are still there.

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  3. Jessica,

    I read this and it lets me know how wonderful you are and the way you can express your feelings so openly is comforting.

    You should remind your brother what a wonderful person he was when you needed him most. He now needs you.

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  4. Spend more time with him and keep reminding him how you both were before he started drinking. Let him know he was much better then, and you will do anything to get him back that way.

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  5. I HATE MY SISTER NEVER GOT TO KNOW....., that's really touched. I experienced the love of my brother and he was once had a bad habit in his life too.Never turn back on him for what he did.Giving him all the support is assisting him to the right path. Now that my brother had passed away.....deep inside, I wished if he could come back.

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