Thursday, January 6, 2011

more time

The trip went very well. I honestly have never been happier. Being with him every day was amazing to me. I loved waking up with him, and going to sleep with him. I loved waking up in the middle of the night because he moved around and I need to reposition my cuddle position. I loved holding hands and touching him. I loved how he kissed me on my forehead every night before we went to sleep. Everything was perfect.

I don’t want to be without him. I want to be with him, I want him to come home from work to find me waiting for him. I want to try cooking so he will have one less thing to do when he gets home from work. I want to take care of him and make his life easier. I want to get a passport and have an adventure. I feel that I am young enough, I can quit my full time job and go and see him for an extensive period of time, so we can figure out if we are right for each other.

I brought this up with him last night, and his thoughts were much different from mine. He had a great time, but our age difference really bothered him; and he is not sure we can overcome it. He is not sure if he can see us in 20 years together. He asked for time, he is not ready for me to visit him yet (he just left here two days ago). He wants us to take our time, and to see how things go.

I did the ‘be strong and not let him know how horrible this sounds to you’ thing. I told him he has to be fair to me, and if he decides it’s not going to work out, he has to tell me right away.

But it made me incredibly sad. Sitting here going over this again, and with him not being on the phone, I can let out how I am feeling, and I can cry.

I want him to hold me, and tell me he is sorry for saying that, that he loves me and he doesn’t care about how young I am. But I know that isn’t realistic, and life does not work that way. So we are taking our time, and I am praying as hard as I can, that our age difference is not something that we cannot overcome.

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