Ladies and gents! The reason why I have been working so hard this summer!
I didn’t do too well in my classes. But, I have figured out why. Now, as of now I am expelled from school and in order to get back in I have to appeal and here is the letter I wrote, this should explain a few things. (there is one part I have highlighted because I have to work on it. I also have to read through and edit it once more, so if you find mistakes please tell me)
Throughout my schooling I have never been one to get into trouble. I never got detention, always turned assignments in, and had never even skipped a class; and then I got into college. My first year was pretty decent. There were a couple troubled spots but for the majority I did well. I could improve those spots, and everything would be well. But then as I entered my second year of college something scary happened.
I started skipping my classes, for no reason other than I didn’t want to be there; completely not like me. I could not concentrate in the classes and decided I could not handle it. I felt too overwhelmed and decided that I must take time off of school to figure out what was wrong with me. That is when I withdrew from all of my classes. It was during that time I realized it did not matter what I wanted or how I felt, I simply needed to go to school and do my best, and I need to better myself. I then worked everything out so I was able to go to school once again in the spring.
I decided since going to class overwhelmed and I had been skipping I would take online classes. Everything was going well for most of the semester and then for some reason I lost focus. I was not doing the assignments, just because I didn’t feel like doing them. I couldn’t force myself to do them, I would much rather go to a movie with a friend than sit down and write a paper or read an assignment. I didn’t understand what was wrong, I knew it was not like me, but for some reason I was not able to sit down and focus on school.
When I realized I did not pass my classes, I did a lot of thinking. I need to be in school. Failing my classes is not acceptable to me; it is a waste of money, money that a lot of people that are actually going to pass their classes could use. I was (and still am) very angry at myself for allowing this to happen. I was not able to come up with the reason for my short comings; and then it hit me.
All of my life I have known what I want for my big picture. My plan was to become an attorney. I would go to community college, transfer to a university, and then off to law school. During my first year in college that changed, and by the time I started my second year of college I no longer wanted that as my career. I had a hard time focusing because I had nothing to focus on. I felt very lost for the first time in my life. I believe everyone goes through this at some point or another in their life.
I then talked to a very good friend of mine and he helped me figure some stuff out. There is a painter that used to be on PBS named Bob Ross. Ross focuses on painting bushes and trees and streams, and does not focus on the big pictures. He knows that while he works on the small details, making them his goal, the big picture will work itself out. My friend helped me realize that I do not have to work on the big pictures; I just have to focus painting the bushes, getting my generals. He helped me find what I need to focus on, and that was my problem.
As soon as I found out that I had done very poorly in my classes I came up with a way to save money so I can take two classes in the fall. My goal is to get the credits that are needed to raise my GPA, and once that is done I will focus on getting my generals. I will focus on the small goals (such as passing my classes) and leave the big picture up to God. I am determined to do as well as I know I can. This was my wake up call, and I do not need another one.